Peace in the Mortification

Lately I've heard myself saying things like, "When I was a kid," or "Years ago..." I suppose now I'm old enough to use those phrases without it seeming ridiculous to those even older than me. Of course, it also makes me feel old, but I suppose that's not going to change any time soon.

Another thing that probably won't change is feeling utterly ridiculous about certain past decisions or behaviors. Everybody looks back on at least one instance in their younger life, smacks themselves upside the head and would prefer never to be reminded of the incident. Now, I gotta say, I don't have too many instances about which I feel too stupid, but there are some. The good news is I've discovered I don't have to keep beating myself up over the past. Why? Because I've learned from it. I realize that not all people have the skill of learning from the past, but I can say with confidence that I'm at least getting better at it. And as I get better, there is peace.

A little back story... Yesterday, my office buddy and I were discussing the fact that my perceptions have changed over the last few years, and I'm able to see situations and people much differently than before. It was an area in which she knew I struggled, but she just had to sit back and wait for me to grow and learn things for myself. Thankfully, she was patient enough to wait.

Realizing how I'd perceived things several years ago, and realizing how it would appall me if I would react to situations now like I did then, I was mortified. And I even said so. My buddy's response? "But there's peace in the mortification." It sounded so funny that we laughed, and I even posted it on Twitter/Facebook, but if you look past the humor, it really is a very profound statement.

Being mortified by past actions means I've matured. I've come to the point where those things actually do mortify me. And that only proves I've grown. Knowing that brings peace of mind. It's a peace knowing that I'm still growing and learning and moving forward. We all do stupid things - it's only when we ignore them and choose not to learn from them that makes it sad.

So I guess I'm proud to say I'm mortified. Which...really sounds weird, but thankfully you've read this post and understand what I mean...I hope.

Here's to being mortified. May we all find peace in mortification, but be less mortified in the future.