Topsy-Turvy Season

It's been a while since I've blogged. Less than a week after my last entry, my grandfather unexpectedly passed away. That was August 25th. Since then, life has taken many turns and had many ups and downs. I've had very little time to dive into my writing, and even less time to spend simply "being." Since my grandfather's passing, my mother and I successfully moved my grandmother into a care center, cleaned out their house completely and sold it (all that in less than two month's time). I thought settling back into a routine would be easy. I was wrong. There is always more.

This holiday season has not been an easy one, due to a plethora of reasons. But my one steadfast hope is that God is in all of the stress, craziness and strife, and He knows how to handle it much better than I do.

During December, I took a deep breath and have made an effort to write. I've been able to write a few short pieces and at least collect a few thoughts in one way or another. I put together a blog for my writer's guild and right now I'm in the process of updating my own webstore where my books and some other new items are going to be sold. Once that's updated I will post again with a link in case anyone is interested.

In the meantime, I hope you and yours are having a blessed holiday season.

My Newest Book

I'm pleased to say that I hold a printed copy of my new anthology: Smatterings of an Analytical Loner. A collection of 76 pieces, it holds short stories, devotionals, poems and more. Though put together mainly for family and friends, I hope that others will enjoy it as well.

The self-publishing experience has been a good one. I very much enjoyed putting everything together, from creating my own cover from scratch, to formatting the inside pages and preparing them for printing. I have learned a lot and am looking forward to whichever book I finish next that I may self-publish as well.

My collection will be officially "released" soon, as I am still preparing my own website and other announcements. When the book is actually available, I will post again with the information on how to order.

I am a Writer

During the last month or so, my actual writing has taken somewhat of a backseat. Even so, writing is almost always on the forefront of my mind. Plots are constantly running through my head and quite often I'll be jotting down quick notes about scenes when I really should be doing something else. All in all, whether my fingers are hovering over a keyboard or not, I've resigned myself to the fact that God has made me a writer. I'm still not sure why exactly or what He's got in mind for the future, but a writer I am.

Coming to this conclusion actually wasn't easy. Perhaps it was fear of where it might lead. Perhaps it was a lack of confidence in wanting to proclaim what I thought I was. But no matter the reason, saying aloud (or typing it to the world) hasn't come easy. Sometimes I still have a hard time admitting it. Being what God wants me to be can be scary. I can always take comfort in knowing that He will guide me through anything. By all means! But I am still human, and sometimes I do falter.

The world of writing has already taken me on a grand adventure. It has taught me to use a gift God gave me. It has taught me to get out of my box and deal with people outside my normal circle. It has taught me about finances and bookkeeping. It has taught me I can take pride in my work. It has taught me humility.

There are days I stare at the sky and shout my questions to God. Where is He leading? What's the point of my writing? Of what use are the things I write? What does He want from me? And in the end, I usually hear a still, small voice, reminding me that all I have to do is follow Him. He has told me to write. For what purpose, I don't know. For what end, I haven't a clue. But I know I am to write. And so write, I must.

I am a writer. I'm working towards more published works and finding new ways to touch people through my writings. But my ultimate goal? To simply be who God wants me to be. He is giving me the inspiration I need, every step of the way. To deny myself this journey is to deny myself God's will.

Who are you? Where is God leading you? Are you listening? Following?

Using and For

This morning on the way to work, I heard a song on the radio that I'd heard before but never really paid much attention. I realized today that the point was, wherever you're at in life or whatever you're doing, as long as you're doing it for the Lord, then yes, it matters. It made me think about my writing.

For years, I have said that my main point is to use the talent God has given me. In my mind, using what He gave me and writing for Him were one in the same. And yet, I often felt a void anyway. I often felt as though what I was doing was pointless. I'd write and write and write and use my God-given talent, yet feel as though it was worthless because I didn't necessarily see it going anywhere. I didn't always see anybody who really cared or anyone who was touched by my words. So I'd complain to God and beg Him to show me where He wanted me to go with my writing. I'd always believed that since I was using my talent, that it meant I was writing for God. Therefore, the lack of direction was frustrating.

This morning, it hit me. There's a different between simply using my gift and using it for the Lord. A picture formed in my mind of a child creating a crude drawing with crayons just for her daddy. Running to him with the finished product, her face beams with pride as she presents her masterpiece of scribbles. And even if Daddy doesn't know what the picture is supposed to be, his heart swells with love and he adores the fact that his daughter has drawn something just for him. Have her efforts been in vain just because the masses will not see her artwork? Of course not! Was her usage of artistic expression pointless because she drew only for her Daddy and no one else? By no means! At the same time, would she have been honoring her Daddy if she had drawn a picture then threw it away because no one would care anyway? Of course not!

New light has been shed on my writing. Perhaps my focus was out of focus all along. Perhaps using a talent God gave me for others shouldn't have been the point. What I need to do is use the talent He gave me for Him. Period. If He so chooses to bless others with what I write, then so be it. But my satisfaction must come from simply knowing I have presented my best to God - not from how many people like what I wrote. Does that mean I shouldn't ever write for anyone else? No - I may still gain joy from seeing someone who is touched by my writing or someone who truly enjoys something I've written for them. But, more importantly, my writing is a part of me being a living sacrifice to God. Presenting my work to Him first and foremost is the only thing that will truly fulfill my desires.

Writing

Words are but puzzle pieces, shaken up, spread out, turned around and strewn across the table - the very essence of an impossible task. But when taking the time to lay out each piece with care, study it and set it in its proper place, a picture of beauty is soon revealed.

Writing is nothing more than creative placement of words, and nothing less than craftsmanship.

God's Pace

Over this past holiday weekend, I had three days to stay at home and not think about work. I had free time, I had nap time, I had time to spend outdoors in the gorgeous sunshine. And when Tuesday rolled around and I rolled out of bed, I found that I had not worked on any of my writing projects.

Without fail, this kind of "discovery" always brings with it a bit of guilt and disappointment. Where was my inspiration? Where was my enthusiasm? Motivation? Enjoyment? I live and breathe writing. Why couldn't I take that blessed free time and actually get some good writing done?

After I quit chiding myself, I realized that even though writing is a huge part of who I am, a vacation is sometimes required even from that. Some people may be blessed with the kind of brains that they can write and write and write every waking moment. Me? Not so much. When I'm inspired, I can write on and on and on, but when I'm not, I often come to a complete stop - or almost.

Once my guilt is out of the way, I'm able to think a little more clearly on the timing itself. What am I writing for? For whom am I writing? And for whose time frame? All pleasure aside, my goal is to write for God, since He's the one who gave me the talent and passion in the first place. So He is the "what" and "who." That in itself answers the third question, because if I'm writing for Him, then it's obviously His time frame, not mine.

I'm an impatient person, I'll admit. So when I have weekends like this past one, where I feel I have accomplished so little, I have to sit back and remember why I'm writing. God has a completely different time frame than I do. I can't even imagine what time must look to the Creator of the universe. That said, when He wants me to write, I have confidence that He will provide the inspiration to get it done. He won't sit there and let me feel guilty for falling behind or taking too long - He will prompt me and inspire me so that I can continue His work. Even the short stories, poems and fictional pieces that no one will ever see are counted because they, in themselves, provide inspiration or creativity for the bigger projects. God knows that. He knows what inspires me. And He also knows when I need a break.

I may not like taking breaks, and I may think I need to write every waking hour - but God knows better than I do. And when I go at His pace, the pieces fall together much more nicely.

A Never-Ending Story

Something fun I started several years ago with a friend, was writing a blog of which she and I were both the authors. We had begun a story of sorts, from childhood, playing the roles of characters who had grand adventures. What started out as play times in our backyards developed into letters as we grew older and moved apart. Then, as we both spent more time on the computer, the letters became emails and the emails finally became our blog. Even now, as adults, we take turns, each writing the next segment(s) of our story, and each having our own set of characters to control. The grand adventure continues, and even though sometimes reality might be slightly stretched, the characters themselves are as real as they come... for they all reflect part of who she and I are.

As a writer, keeping up with that blog has been a wonderful exercise. Good character development is a must, if said character is going to continue through the story. Plot development is a must, if only to keep both my friend and I on the same page (no pun intended) as to what's happening with the story. The blog is a perfect place to practice different ways to bring in suspense, seeing if either she or I can follow the clues well enough to know what the other is planning, or if we end up completely surprised by the other's choice in turn of events. All of these things help sharpen my skills as a writer, and... I have an awful lot of fun, too.

Another thing that's great about the blog is that I never have to say goodbye to my characters. Because the story goes on, "The End" simply never happens. When I write a book, I fall in love with the characters. They take on lives of their own, and control the pages - sometimes I feel as though I'm just along for the ride. I love watching them grow, struggle, triumph and interact with each other. But in all my books, the final page always comes, and my beloved characters end up on the shelf - to be loved by others, for sure, but the end is always bittersweet for the writer.

In my friend's and my story blog, the characters live on. Oh, once in a while a character must be laid to rest, but never until we're good and ready to let go. As I write my books and see characters come and go, I always have that blog to fall back on and interact with others I love as well. At the risk of sounding corny, it's almost like a little haven where my writing imagination can not only soar to new heights, but it is a safe place where I can experiment and improve my skills without fear of public criticism.

If you're a writer who needs a creative boost, characters that never leave or new ways to experiment, try a story that never ends, whether by yourself or with a fellow writer. Don't let it be the only thing you write, but let it be that one safe place you can fall back on. It's fun, it keeps the creative juices flowing, and it can be as public or private as you want.

Goals

So far this year, I've thought about goals more than any time else. Maybe it's because we often talk about goals at my Taekwondo classes and it's sometimes the theme of the month. Or maybe it's because my goals have shifted or changed directions lately. Still, goals have always been a difficult thing for me. For without a goal, I cannot fail. Yet without a goal, I lose forward momentum.

I think that's one of the things that has held me back in my writing as of late. Oh, I've still been writing and haven't come anywhere near to ceasing - but it has been much slower. My desire has been there but motivation has not. Ideas have been there, but the will has not. Perhaps it is not a lack of inspiration as I have blamed, but rather a lack of goals.

Recently, I sent out the first query letter in a very long time. It felt good. That one small act has motivated me to finish not only the work about which I queried, but other works too. The goal of having another book published has given me a fresh outlook, new ideas and enthusiasm.

Without goals, forward momentum ceases.

For me, goals can sometimes be intimidating. Sometimes it's easier not to have goals so that I'll never face the possibility of failure. But at the same time, if I never try, I'll never know how far I could have gone. The trick is knowing which goals are attainable and which goals should wait.

My goals for the near future are to finish three of my large writing projects. That is attainable. My next goal? To see them in print. Whether it's by a traditional publisher or self-publishing, that remains to be seen. But no matter, I am confident that I will see them in print if I maintain these two simple goals. After that? Who knows? But without these goals in mind, I'd never move forward.

Rethinking, Reorganizing and Revamping

Ahh, springtime. The grey clouds of winter are quickly sailing away on the wind, taking with them the blues and blahs of cold dark nights. And in their place is a big, bright ball in the sky called the sun. Mmm... the warmth sends tingles all over just thinking about it. Springtime not only invigorates my senses, but my soul as well.

Spring brings renewal to the countryside, but often brings renewal in our lives as well. It may not be a huge renewal, but even spring cleaning is a form of taking out the old, clearing space and sometimes bringing in the new.

Along with the physical activities of cleaning and organizing, I've begun reorganizing my thoughts and goals. Assisting a friend and fellow author set up his new website and blog has brought back inspiration for my own sites - this one included. Not sure yet what I'll do or change, but I do plan on spending a little more time around here. It's always been my goal to blog more and keep up with my website more... perhaps this year I will finally accomplish that.

At the same time, it seems spring has brought with it a reignited ambition to finish some of my writing projects. I've started sending out queries to publishers about my Foundation of Novel Writing book. I've begun to finalize my anthology and have decided its publication route. I'm planning on actually finishing my devotion book. My novel? For now, it's on the back burner, but still very much on my plate.

I'm not sure what the months ahead will bring, but I'm looking forward to them. I'm also looking forward to see what new places God takes me.

I Doubt It

Doubt is uncertainty about something. To doubt is to be undecided in opinion or belief. Doubt can be a hesitance to believe or the consideration that something is questionable or unlikely.

We must not doubt God. This is certain. The New Testament reflects multiple times where doubt in God is spoken against by Jesus himself as well as Paul and James. We are told to not doubt God or what He can do. We are told to have faith in God and what we may accomplish through God without doubting. Doubt lessens our faith and a lessened faith in God is obviously something that we want to avoid.

Jesus, while walking on the water and saving Peter from drowning, asked Peter why he doubted. It was obvious that while Peter had the faith to step out of the boat, at some point he began to doubt that it could really be happening. The problem was that he was unbelieving of what he was doing and forgetting that it was God who was making the act possible.

Jesus told his disciples that with faith, they could move mountains into the sea – as long as they did not doubt. He emphasized a faith in God who would work through them if they allowed Him to.

James covers the topic of faith and doubt, reminding us that if we ask God for wisdom, we must not doubt that He will do so. What good is asking if we doubt it will happen? That’s not to say God will give us whatever we ask for, but He will give us what we ask for if falls within His will – such as wisdom. But asking for that wisdom with a lack of faith is pointless.

No, we should never doubt God.

When it comes to doubt though, sometimes it may be mislabeled or misunderstood and therefore becomes a senseless guilt trap. In the Bible, we see over and over the instructions and examples to not doubt God. Why? Because He is perfect. He will not fail us. He will do no wrong. It’s downright silly to doubt God. But what about other people? What about ourselves?

Sometimes doubt in other people or ourselves can be misconstrued and make us believe that we’re doubting God. From that comes the senseless guilt. We might tell ourselves to stop doubting a person or a situation because doubt is not good. We might say that doubt is not of God. Unfortunately, people, unlike God, are not always dependable. People are not perfect. People will let us down at some point or another. Is it wrong to question others’ motives or actions? Is it wrong to hesitate before trusting another person?

Doubting that I may accomplish the leap across the puddle may save me from a knee-deep muddy bath. Doubting my neighbor’s motives may save me from going to their party and putting myself in a bad situation. Is doubt in and of itself something to be completely disregarded?

Take my second example of the party. Now perhaps I feel that God is leading me to go to that party so that I can be a witness. That’s a pure motive and if I truly believe God is leading me, then I should trust Him to keep me safe. But even then, I’m trusting Him – not the people with whom I will be socializing. I don’t think God expects anyone to walk into situations blind or naïve, expecting automatic physical protection, especially if it is their own foolishness that has led them there in the first place. Yes, God is perfectly capable of keeping us safe, but sometimes He does allow bad to happen, and had we been paying closer attention and listening to our doubts about the people or the situation, we might have spared ourselves some of those trials.

What about doubting ourselves? Some people might say to never doubt yourself. To follow your heart. To trust yourself because your are intelligent. Well…I may be intelligent, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t made mistakes. My heart has betrayed me. My trust in myself has misled me. Why? Because I’m human and humans aren’t perfect. Emotions can cloud judgment and even blur our sight to God if we allow them to. Our human desires may drives us in a direction that feels good, when in reality it’s not what God had intended. Our hearts may long for something so much that we put our trust in that feeling, when sometimes it may be the opposite of what God is trying to tell us.

Am I saying to doubt everyone or to always doubt ourselves? By no means! I don’t think God intends for us to walk around constantly doubting everyone and being scared to make a move. But I do believe that God can use our doubts in order to make us stop and think sometimes.

Without doubt in people or situations, we could wind up blindly walking into danger. It is not a doubt in God’s care. It is translating doubt into caution or hesitance, allowing us the time to see with clarity. Sometimes we may feel that caution or hesitance label it as sinful doubt, when in reality, it’s a warning God is sending us.

The bottom line is this – we are told not to doubt God or His power. He is perfect, all-knowing and the very essence of love. Doubting Him is pointless. However, humans are not perfect, not all-knowing, and not always loving. Doubting people, situations or our own decisions may simply be the kind of hesitance we need to stop, sit back and think about exactly what we’re doing. We may decide that the doubt isn’t needed and proceed. Or we may decide that it kept us from doing something stupid.

Don’t walk through life fearing and doubting everything and everyone. But don’t guilt yourself for feelings of doubt either. Love others. Honor others. Trust those you know you can. But always, always trust God above all else. Don’t doubt Him. But don’t disregard the feelings He sends you either.

The Art of Conversation: An Oxymoron

What ever happened to the art of conversation? While some people seem to have carried this skill set through the generations, others have demonstrated that somewhere along the way, society has forgotten how to communicate more than short sentences and acronyms at a time.

Some people might blame the loss of true conversation on technology. Some people might blame it on busy schedules. Still others might blame it on lack of necessity. Me? I think laziness has a lot to do with it.

Now, how that laziness has evolved could be one or many things, and for each person the answer might be different. Personally, I think technology has played a big part. Take texting, for example. If two people text all day, when they actually see each other at the end of that day, what's left to talk about? It would almost be easier to sit across the table from each other and text a few more silly comments than actually participate in a verbal conversation. This isn't new either. I've seen commercials on television that advertise good meals to try and coax people to converse as they eat instead of texting each other. Still other commercials have demonstrated verbal chatspeak, which not only is confusing, but inadequate when it comes to true conversation.

"Hi." "How are you?" "Good. How are you?" "Fine." "What's up?" "Nothing." And the conversation is over. Now wait a minute. If that takes place between two strangers, fine. But if two people are friends, there's an awful lot lacking there. Where's the meat? Where's the information on how they're really doing? What's going on in their life? How can you relate to each other? What common experiences can you draw from?

It used to be that if we wanted to keep up a relationship with someone, we were forced to gather our thoughts before dialing a phone, or, imagine this - write an actual letter! Now that takes thought! Back before we had all these handy dandy devices to assist in quick messages, we were much more apt to give someone details about what was happening in our lives - otherwise it wasn't worth the time to sit down and write. We wanted to make it worth our while - and worth their while to read.

Unfortunately, the ability and ease of communication in general has caused a conversational breakdown. Seems to be an oxymoron. We post one-liners on Facebook, text a few words at a time, and emails may or may not consist of much more than a brief answer to a question. But are we really sharing with each other? What happened to lengthy chats about family, weather or jobs? Now I'm not saying everyone has fallen prey to the shallowness of technologically advanced messages. There are those who take full advantage of technology in order to communicate better, not just more quickly. But when I look at the broad picture, I see a generation that is quickly destroying itself by forgetting how to have a good old fashioned conversation.

The solution? Maybe we need to learn to slow down a little bit. Maybe we need to be a little less protective of what's on our minds. Maybe we need to relearn how to actually use our voice to converse with someone.

Will society fall to pieces because we're all texting and sending instant messages now? I doubt it. But I do think we're losing a precious art that is much more fulfilling than brief messages full of acronyms. Try having a real conversation - maybe over a cup of coffee. Can't hurt, and you might actually enjoy it.