The Scented Aisle

You know the scented aisle? The one with all the scented candles and wax aroma-filled cubes? Yeah, sometimes I venture down there. I just have to be prepared to not smell anything else for at least three hours afterward…since I have to smell each and every scent. Well…maybe not ALL of them, but pretty close.

Personally, I like the citrus scents, no matter the time of year. There’s just something about orange, lemon or lime that pleases my senses. Even now, I took a deep breath, just imagining my favorite fruity scent. Get past those and into grapefruit though, and I move on.

One thing that’s always perplexed me though, is when someone, somewhere, has the nerve to think they can capture the scent of some season or type of outdoor air, or even scenery. Like a beach. Beaches smell like sunburned sand and fish. And sunscreen. Maybe some seaweed. Not like a mix of exotic flowers, unidentifiable perfume and the cleaner you keep under the bathroom sink.

I mentioned a season. Let’s take autumn. Autumn Leaves. Autumn Air. Essence of Autumn. Do you know what autumn really smells like? Go outside and take a whiff. Damp earth (aka: wet dirt). Piles of leaves (aka: decomposing tree parts). Nature at its best (aka: almost-sun-dried earthworms, that emit a scent akin to dying fish). Throw in a little car exhaust and the neighbor’s last barbeque of the year, and there you have it. Autumn.

So where do all these warm spices come in? Oh, sure, you’ve got your Pumpkin Pie Surprise, your Grandma’s Apple Fritters, and Thanksgiving Delights. I understand the connection – some foods are generally made around falltime. So when someone smells them, they automatically think: fall. I get the marketing strategy here. And I don’t mind so much when they name it what it is. Pumpkin. Spice. Cinnamon. But Autumn? Maybe it ought to be Autumn Memories. Or Flavors of Autumn Foods. Or Foods Only Made at Thanksgiving by Great Grandma. That would be a winner, I’m sure.

Of course, I still have to smell them all, hoping that one of these days, I’ll sniff something that actually does smell like garden mulch with a hint of car exhaust. Not that I’d buy it. I can go outside and smell that. But at least they would have gotten it right.

Until then, though, I think I’ll stick with the no-nonsense scents. Like Lemon. Or Mixed Berries. (Did I mention all those linen scents never smell anything like my own fresh laundry?) But as I leave the scented aisle, I’m sure the one thing that will never change is the lavender and some foreign spice semi-permanently adhering to my nostril hairs.

If you’re in Walmart and you hear a sneeze…it’s probably me. But it’s not contagious. Unless you brave the scented aisle as well.