When I learned how to drive, it didn't take me long to figure out when approaching an intersection, when I was to apply the brakes. Too soon and I'd stop way ahead of the stop sign. Too late, and I'd send the copilot into the dashboard while screeching to a halt just inches off my target. After a while though, the correct timing became second nature. It was easy knowing exactly when to slow down and/or stop, or when to keep on the gas pedal.
Boy do I wish it was that easy in the rest of my life.
I've had various physical difficulties since I was in high school - mainly with my joints, especially my hips. Not sure why - it's jut the way I'm built. I've got over-extended joints and I'm prone to inflammation. I had the start of arthritis and slight degeneration in my vertebrae before I was twenty. I've incurred injuries through horseback riding accidents, martial arts and over-lifting. Needless to say, some pain has always been involved. It's nothing intolerable, and I try not to complain because I know of others who suffer far worse conditions than I do, but it is a constant annoyance.
Worse than the pain though, is figuring out when too much is too much. I'm a Second Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo. I'm an Orange Belt in Krav Maga. I'm a Blue Belt in Warrior X-Fit Kickboxing. I like taking walks. My full-time job often requires heavy lifting and being on my feet for many hours. I like the tough part of gardening - digging and pulling weeds. The list goes on. All those things are physical things I don't want to give up. I don't want to give up my martial arts, I can't quit my job, and any outdoor activity is too enjoyable for me to just ignore it. But where's the line?
I have yet to figure it out. As I type this, today's Kickboxing class is just starting. And I'm not there. I had another minor bout with my lower back and my hip. I could have gone to class. I could have done some of the activities. I could have done all of them, probably. But without being able to see what kind of shape I'd be in afterward...I decided I better sit this one out. Which I hate! I'm too stubborn and competitive to just think nothing of it. It irritates me to no end. I am so bull-headed, that to think my body can't be as tough as my mind is the ultimate frustration. I inwardly argue with myself - one side says I'm a wimp, while the other side says I'm just being smart.
Somewhere between doing nothing and doing too much is a stop sign. Unfortunately, the exact distance eludes me. Sometimes the stop sign moves, depending on the day and my condition. Sometimes I simply can't see it at all. Sometimes I close my eyes and pretend there's no sign. Or I panic and stop a whole lot sooner than necessary.
I'd like to think that I'm closer to figuring out where the line is than I was a year or five years ago. But it's still a tough call. Every time.
I drive 45 minutes to work and 45 minutes back five days a week. I've learned well where to slow down, stop, or speed up. I hope eventually I'll get to the same point with my body - that I'll be able to decide, with confidence, whether to slow down or power through each activity/situation. Until I figure it out though, I may need to focus on the positive aspects of either decision, no matter the outcome.
I love hearing from you! Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts or personal experiences.
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