Once again, I found myself in the mud and mire of pride. This time though, it was a little different. Sometimes only a few people even see the shorter pieces I write. Sometimes I'm the only one that sees them. And there are some days that I stop and wonder what the point is, if no one reads them.
I've been involved with different writing groups that encourage the publication of writings. That's great. Everyone wants to see their writings in print, other than from their own personal printer. But for me, problems arose when I began to feel badly that I had nothing published during a certain length of time. I looked around and saw people whose complete purpose in writing was to be published, whether it was a book or a short article. If it was written, it needed to be published. I found myself feeling like the kid in the back of the room that hadn't yet bought the new toy everyone else had. It was almost a feeling of shame for not having gone out and contacted publications and sent out queries.
Once again, I had to take a step back and ask myself the same old question: Why was I writing? Why was I writing these short stories? Poems? Devotionals? If I visited one of my online writing groups, I'd be told to find a magazine, newspaper - anything! Just get my work out there and be seen. I suppose if my goal was to get my name out there, then that would be a logical place to start. But it just didn't feel right.
Why was I writing? I realized that I was writing simply because it's my passion. I don't care how many people read my poems. I don't care how many people read my short stories. God gave me a talent and all He's told me to do is write. Sure, if I ever do want other people to see what I write, then I have to get off my duff and work at it. But it shouldn't be my goal and certainly shouldn't be a stress factor. If God wants my articles to succeed in that manner, He will lead me.
When I look back over the last year and see how few writings of mine that have come to publication, my human reaction is to be depressed over it. I feel as though I have accomplished nothing. Well, that's stupid. Honestly. I have written a ton of short stories, poetry and more. I write almost every day. I have plot lines galore running through my head. I have poems and songs that I never even intend for the public to see. And I look down on myself for not accomplishing anything? It's at that point that I once again realize I let pride get in the way.
I write because it's my passion. I love it. God gave me a gift and I need to use it. What happens after that is up to Him.
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