Why do you write? The Many vs. The Few

I have a pride issue. It wasn't until recently that I finally realized and admitted it. Since then, it's become less of a problem, though I still battle it now and again, attempting to conquer it each time.

The realization of pride came about when I was, once again, debating what to do with a future novel of mine. I knew the plot I wanted to write. A third of the book was written already. I had everything laid out and ready to finish writing it. But I began to focus on the end result - the end result after "the end." Of course, my first desire was to dream of the book's publication. Those dreams were quickly shot down by my own realism though, as I thought about my last book that I self-published. That accomplishment is nothing to sneeze at, of course, though like most writers, I still wished for a "real" publisher. I hadn't had any luck thus far though, so my hopes for this newest novel of mine were quickly diminishing. I could self-publish again, no problem. But if I did, I'd be paying out of pocket... again. I'd be doing all the promotion myself... again. I'd be sitting at home with several boxes leftover of books I couldn't sell... again.

And then it hit me. Why was I writing this book? I first tried to justify my thoughts by reminding myself that if I were not to be published by a publishing house then I wouldn't have as many readers. And my goal was to have readers, right? But then I realized that even that theory was weak. Who was I to limit God? He could just as easily spread my book through self-publishing as He could through a big-house publisher. I was back to square one with my inner battle.

Why was I writing this book? I'd thought it was so I could find a publisher then reach a large audience. The problem was, that without believing that could happen, I lost my motivation to write. I "knew" I wouldn't be able to snag a publisher - I'd been ignored with my past attempts with various novels of mine. So what was the point?

Then God showed me His reason for me to complete my novel. It wasn't so I could become a famous author. It wasn't so I could reach millions. The answer was this: I was writing that book so that I could reach one. One person. One heart. It wouldn't matter if that person bought my book off the shelf of a big bookstore, or if they were given one of my draft copies, printed off from my computer. The reason for me writing my book was for one person to read it. Somehow, somewhere, there would be one person touched by the story I told.

After that, I was able to continue writing my novel. With my motives back where they belonged, the inner peace was back.

For me, writing my books can't be about the large audience, bookstores, booksignings, or even publication at all. It has to be about the story and about that one person who it is for - the one person for whom God will use my book, or rather, His book. If a big-house publisher publishes my book, fantastic. If ten thousand and one people read my book, fantastic. But for me, it all has to be icing on the cake, not my main goal. Otherwise I lose sight of my purpose and my passion dies.