Topsy-Turvy Season

It's been a while since I've blogged. Less than a week after my last entry, my grandfather unexpectedly passed away. That was August 25th. Since then, life has taken many turns and had many ups and downs. I've had very little time to dive into my writing, and even less time to spend simply "being." Since my grandfather's passing, my mother and I successfully moved my grandmother into a care center, cleaned out their house completely and sold it (all that in less than two month's time). I thought settling back into a routine would be easy. I was wrong. There is always more.

This holiday season has not been an easy one, due to a plethora of reasons. But my one steadfast hope is that God is in all of the stress, craziness and strife, and He knows how to handle it much better than I do.

During December, I took a deep breath and have made an effort to write. I've been able to write a few short pieces and at least collect a few thoughts in one way or another. I put together a blog for my writer's guild and right now I'm in the process of updating my own webstore where my books and some other new items are going to be sold. Once that's updated I will post again with a link in case anyone is interested.

In the meantime, I hope you and yours are having a blessed holiday season.

My Newest Book

I'm pleased to say that I hold a printed copy of my new anthology: Smatterings of an Analytical Loner. A collection of 76 pieces, it holds short stories, devotionals, poems and more. Though put together mainly for family and friends, I hope that others will enjoy it as well.

The self-publishing experience has been a good one. I very much enjoyed putting everything together, from creating my own cover from scratch, to formatting the inside pages and preparing them for printing. I have learned a lot and am looking forward to whichever book I finish next that I may self-publish as well.

My collection will be officially "released" soon, as I am still preparing my own website and other announcements. When the book is actually available, I will post again with the information on how to order.

I am a Writer

During the last month or so, my actual writing has taken somewhat of a backseat. Even so, writing is almost always on the forefront of my mind. Plots are constantly running through my head and quite often I'll be jotting down quick notes about scenes when I really should be doing something else. All in all, whether my fingers are hovering over a keyboard or not, I've resigned myself to the fact that God has made me a writer. I'm still not sure why exactly or what He's got in mind for the future, but a writer I am.

Coming to this conclusion actually wasn't easy. Perhaps it was fear of where it might lead. Perhaps it was a lack of confidence in wanting to proclaim what I thought I was. But no matter the reason, saying aloud (or typing it to the world) hasn't come easy. Sometimes I still have a hard time admitting it. Being what God wants me to be can be scary. I can always take comfort in knowing that He will guide me through anything. By all means! But I am still human, and sometimes I do falter.

The world of writing has already taken me on a grand adventure. It has taught me to use a gift God gave me. It has taught me to get out of my box and deal with people outside my normal circle. It has taught me about finances and bookkeeping. It has taught me I can take pride in my work. It has taught me humility.

There are days I stare at the sky and shout my questions to God. Where is He leading? What's the point of my writing? Of what use are the things I write? What does He want from me? And in the end, I usually hear a still, small voice, reminding me that all I have to do is follow Him. He has told me to write. For what purpose, I don't know. For what end, I haven't a clue. But I know I am to write. And so write, I must.

I am a writer. I'm working towards more published works and finding new ways to touch people through my writings. But my ultimate goal? To simply be who God wants me to be. He is giving me the inspiration I need, every step of the way. To deny myself this journey is to deny myself God's will.

Who are you? Where is God leading you? Are you listening? Following?

Using and For

This morning on the way to work, I heard a song on the radio that I'd heard before but never really paid much attention. I realized today that the point was, wherever you're at in life or whatever you're doing, as long as you're doing it for the Lord, then yes, it matters. It made me think about my writing.

For years, I have said that my main point is to use the talent God has given me. In my mind, using what He gave me and writing for Him were one in the same. And yet, I often felt a void anyway. I often felt as though what I was doing was pointless. I'd write and write and write and use my God-given talent, yet feel as though it was worthless because I didn't necessarily see it going anywhere. I didn't always see anybody who really cared or anyone who was touched by my words. So I'd complain to God and beg Him to show me where He wanted me to go with my writing. I'd always believed that since I was using my talent, that it meant I was writing for God. Therefore, the lack of direction was frustrating.

This morning, it hit me. There's a different between simply using my gift and using it for the Lord. A picture formed in my mind of a child creating a crude drawing with crayons just for her daddy. Running to him with the finished product, her face beams with pride as she presents her masterpiece of scribbles. And even if Daddy doesn't know what the picture is supposed to be, his heart swells with love and he adores the fact that his daughter has drawn something just for him. Have her efforts been in vain just because the masses will not see her artwork? Of course not! Was her usage of artistic expression pointless because she drew only for her Daddy and no one else? By no means! At the same time, would she have been honoring her Daddy if she had drawn a picture then threw it away because no one would care anyway? Of course not!

New light has been shed on my writing. Perhaps my focus was out of focus all along. Perhaps using a talent God gave me for others shouldn't have been the point. What I need to do is use the talent He gave me for Him. Period. If He so chooses to bless others with what I write, then so be it. But my satisfaction must come from simply knowing I have presented my best to God - not from how many people like what I wrote. Does that mean I shouldn't ever write for anyone else? No - I may still gain joy from seeing someone who is touched by my writing or someone who truly enjoys something I've written for them. But, more importantly, my writing is a part of me being a living sacrifice to God. Presenting my work to Him first and foremost is the only thing that will truly fulfill my desires.

Writing

Words are but puzzle pieces, shaken up, spread out, turned around and strewn across the table - the very essence of an impossible task. But when taking the time to lay out each piece with care, study it and set it in its proper place, a picture of beauty is soon revealed.

Writing is nothing more than creative placement of words, and nothing less than craftsmanship.