Oh, Introverted Me

There can be a lot of negative things said about a labeled introvert. Some definitions or perceptions lean towards a selfish nature, or behavior akin to being a hermit. But while negative actions may indeed describe some people, introverts, as a whole, can no more be placed in the same basket than can bananas and apples. Though both are fruit, they are very different. As are introverts.

I’ve discovered this as I have researched my own personality traits. I’m one of those weird people who likes to figure out exactly what makes me tick. What actions or reactions are natural versus learned? Where do my emotions come from? Why do I prefer solitude over a multitude? In finding answers, I’ve discovered, as always, that no two people are completely alike. Though I may label myself as an introvert, I’m still different from my neighbor, also claiming to be an introvert. That said, we all, who love the quietness of our own minds over the loudness of a crowd, find ourselves on much common ground.

I found these statements on Wikipedia, and they very much describe the way I feel:

“Some popular psychologists have characterized introverts as people whose energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during interaction… Introverts are easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation from social gatherings and engagement… Mistaking introversion for shyness is a common error. Introverts prefer solitary to social activities, but do not necessarily fear social encounters like shy people do.”

After reading the very first sentence, I wanted to jump up, throw my arms in the air and yell, “Yes!” Because this is exactly me. People. Wear. Me. Out. I’m not saying I don’t love people. I do! I have many friends whose hugs I crave. I have social circles I enjoy. I need interaction with others – truly. But it doesn’t take me long to get maxed out. It’s kind of like putting gas in my car. When I’m alone, I’m fueling up. My energy “tends to expand through reflection.” Once I’m around people – be it one or ten, my engine is running. The situation and types of people can often dictate how fast my fuel gauge moves, but regardless, it heads towards empty. My energy “dwindles during interaction.” Again, this doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it. I love zipping down the highway in my car, too, but eventually, the tank hits “E.” And when it does, trying to continue driving does nothing but make the situation worse. Soon, I’m stranded along the highway, exhausted and frazzled. It’s the same way for me on the inside when I’ve been over-stimulated, or have gone too long without a personal refuel.

Unfortunately, at least with me, there are no real rules. I can’t say that interacting with nine people is my limit, and when I hit ten, that’s when my energy dwindles. Nor can I say that it takes me sixty minutes of quiet to refuel, and on minute sixty-one, I’m ready to go again. Every day is different, depending on emotions, physical conditions, and mental strain – or lack thereof. Sometimes I can go a week with a ton of boisterous interaction and be just fine. And sometimes all it takes is one hour with the right (or wrong) person, and I’m craving a whole week of quiet with just me and my cats. Who I'm with – whether it be my best friend, a coworker or my own family – can matter little. And hitting the overstimulation point is as easy to predict as the weather – you can get fairly close, but the weather can, and will, throw its own curveballs.

In the end, I’m an introvert who sometimes likes to dress in an extrovert’s clothing. As with most people, I have both traits – I just usually lean more heavily towards the introverted side of things.

So when I walk away, please don’t think me rude – I probably just need a few minutes of quiet. When I seem to not engage in conversation, please don’t take it personally – I may simply be allowing my brain to refuel. When I decline a social activity, please don’t think I don’t like spending time with you – it may just be a day I need to decompress. If I say I’d rather go home and watch a movie alone rather than hang out, please know I simply need to chill out before I run my tank dry – our relationship is still secure. When I tell you I’m spending the day at home to do nothing but read and sort laundry, don’t feel sorry for me – I’m probably loving it more than you know. And when I can’t stand to even breathe the same air as you, please realize I’m probably just over-stimulated – I still love you the same as I did before, and I just need a break. Your patience and quietness is all I need.

Being an introvert is not an excuse to hide away, be rude or avoid people. My personality traits do not dictate my actions – what I do is still my choice, no matter my tendencies. I'm a mature adult who chooses not to run screaming out of a crowded restaurant when that's all I really want to do. But struggling to survive as an introvert is very real, and a little bit of understanding can go a long way.

I’m certain that extroverts have many challenges as well. We all do, no matter where we fall on man’s scale of personality traits. But this is the perspective I know well. And I know God can and will use me, introvert or not, if I pay attention and make sure He’s first in my life…even on days I feel over-stimulated.