There can be a lot of negative things said about a labeled introvert.
Some definitions or perceptions lean towards a selfish nature, or
behavior akin to being a hermit. But while negative actions may indeed
describe some people, introverts, as a whole, can no more be placed in
the same basket than can bananas and apples. Though both are fruit, they
are very different. As are introverts.
I’ve
discovered this as I have researched my own personality traits. I’m one
of those weird people who likes to figure out exactly what makes me
tick. What actions or reactions are natural versus learned? Where do my
emotions come from? Why do I prefer solitude over a multitude? In
finding answers, I’ve discovered, as always, that no two people are
completely alike. Though I may label myself as an introvert, I’m still
different from my neighbor, also claiming to be an introvert. That said,
we all, who love the quietness of our own minds over the loudness of a
crowd, find ourselves on much common ground.
I found these statements on Wikipedia, and they very much describe the way I feel:
“Some
popular psychologists have characterized introverts as people whose
energy tends to expand through reflection and dwindle during
interaction… Introverts are easily overwhelmed by too much stimulation
from social gatherings and engagement… Mistaking introversion for
shyness is a common error. Introverts prefer solitary to social
activities, but do not necessarily fear social encounters like shy
people do.”
After reading the very first sentence, I
wanted to jump up, throw my arms in the air and yell, “Yes!” Because
this is exactly me. People. Wear. Me. Out. I’m not saying I don’t love
people. I do! I have many friends whose hugs I crave. I have social
circles I enjoy. I need interaction with others – truly. But it
doesn’t take me long to get maxed out. It’s kind of like putting gas in
my car. When I’m alone, I’m fueling up. My energy “tends to expand
through reflection.” Once I’m around people – be it one or ten, my
engine is running. The situation and types of people can often dictate
how fast my fuel gauge moves, but regardless, it heads towards empty. My
energy “dwindles during interaction.” Again, this doesn’t mean I don’t
enjoy it. I love zipping down the highway in my car, too, but
eventually, the tank hits “E.” And when it does, trying to continue
driving does nothing but make the situation worse. Soon, I’m stranded
along the highway, exhausted and frazzled. It’s the same way for me on
the inside when I’ve been over-stimulated, or have gone too long without
a personal refuel.
Unfortunately, at least with me,
there are no real rules. I can’t say that interacting with nine people
is my limit, and when I hit ten, that’s when my energy dwindles. Nor can
I say that it takes me sixty minutes of quiet to refuel, and on minute
sixty-one, I’m ready to go again. Every day is different, depending on
emotions, physical conditions, and mental strain – or lack thereof.
Sometimes I can go a week with a ton of boisterous interaction and be
just fine. And sometimes all it takes is one hour with the right (or
wrong) person, and I’m craving a whole week of quiet with just me and my
cats. Who I'm with – whether it be my best friend, a coworker or my own
family – can matter little. And hitting the overstimulation point is as
easy to predict as the weather – you can get fairly close, but the
weather can, and will, throw its own curveballs.
In
the end, I’m an introvert who sometimes likes to dress in an extrovert’s
clothing. As with most people, I have both traits – I just usually lean
more heavily towards the introverted side of things.
So
when I walk away, please don’t think me rude – I probably just need a
few minutes of quiet. When I seem to not engage in conversation, please
don’t take it personally – I may simply be allowing my brain to refuel.
When I decline a social activity, please don’t think I don’t like
spending time with you – it may just be a day I need to decompress. If I
say I’d rather go home and watch a movie alone rather than hang out,
please know I simply need to chill out before I run my tank dry – our
relationship is still secure. When I tell you I’m spending the day at
home to do nothing but read and sort laundry, don’t feel sorry for me –
I’m probably loving it more than you know. And when I can’t stand to
even breathe the same air as you, please realize I’m probably just
over-stimulated – I still love you the same as I did before, and I just
need a break. Your patience and quietness is all I need.
Being
an introvert is not an excuse to hide away, be rude or avoid people. My
personality traits do not dictate my actions – what I do is still my
choice, no matter my tendencies. I'm a mature adult who chooses not to
run screaming out of a crowded restaurant when that's all I really want
to do. But struggling to survive as an introvert is very real, and a
little bit of understanding can go a long way.
I’m
certain that extroverts have many challenges as well. We all do, no
matter where we fall on man’s scale of personality traits. But this is
the perspective I know well. And I know God can and will use me,
introvert or not, if I pay attention and make sure He’s first in my
life…even on days I feel over-stimulated.
